Should I Marry Someone with Debt?

by Diane

Question: Should I marry someone with debt? My boyfriend and I have been dating about a year and a half and are thinking of getting engaged very soon. We have both been Christians for a long time and we are both 28 years old. We do not live together and we attend the same church. He’s a great guy with many wonderful qualities, but he has a lot of debt from some irresponsible financial decisions. He does not have a good job right now and feels lost in regards to what he should do for a career. He talks a lot about finding another job that pays better but he does not seem motivated and has not actually taken any steps toward finding something. He has run out of money a couple times since we’ve been dating and has had to borrow some from me. Again, he has wonderful qualities and loves God, but is very weak in the area of finances.

I am very concerned about marrying someone with these financial issues. I don’t care about having nice things, but I do want to feel provided for and thinking about taking on all that debt (I have none) almost makes me feel sick to my stomach. I know that if we get engaged we will need extensive pre-marital counseling, but I don’t want to ask him to go to counseling about money before we are engaged and I don’t want to get engaged because I’m so worried about financial issues. We have talked about this several times, but I am very careful because I know men are sometimes just as sensitive about this topic as women are about how we look or feel. He gets pretty defensive and I feel guilty for even having brought it up.

Are there any Biblical principles that I can use to help me make a decision?

Answer: Hi Diane, our advice is that you follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. If your spirit is uneasy about his debt, and his lack of motivation, then you should not dismiss how you feel. Furthermore, while it is true that men are usually sensitive about such things, this is something that can't be swept under the rug. All of your concerns are valid and need addressing. After all, how can you even consider marrying someone that you can't be open and honest with. How he responds is based on his level of maturity but should not negate whether or not the two of you have the conversation. So, start with being completely honest.

But make sure when you talk to him you talk to him from the stand point of "us vs. the problem", rather than "you against him." Furthermore, don't just focus on the problem, share your ideas for solution. Like perhaps the two of you can commit to taking a class about finances, or reading some books. Dave Ramsey has excellent books you can learn a lot from.

Whatever you do, make sure this is addressed prior to marriage. Finances are one of the top reasons couples cite for divorcing. Remain prayerful. Listen to the Holy Spirit. And don't rush things.

Thank you for visiting our site. We will be praying for you.


With Christ's Love,
Mike and Wanda