Struggling with Feelings for Another Man

Question: Struggling with Feelings for Another Man. I am a committed evangelical Christian female, married for a year to a fantastic Christian man (aka Bill). We're best friends and I couldn't ask for more in a husband. 5 years ago when we were still dating, I met another Christian guy (aka Dave) and had a "love at first sight" experience upon being introduced. Though I've never said or done anything about it, I have consistently struggled with powerful feelings for Dave since then. And while Dave has never said anything explicit or done anything overtly inappropriate, he has shown much interest in me since Day 1. He even tried talking me out of marrying Bill a couple years ago. Dave is single, an outspoken Christian, loved by everyone who knows him, very morally upright. We have all the same friends and often collaborate on projects. There is a strangely strong, unspoken connection between us and I have to make a Herculean effort to avoid flirting. It's exhausting. The other day, I had an emotional breakdown after being around him for a couple hours. I am ashamed that despite time and fulfillment in my marriage to Bill, I can't shake my love for Dave. I pray about it regularly, asking God to grant me mercy and strength to deal with it or let it go, but it's getting harder. I want to glorify God and honor my husband. I know that even emotional unfaithfulness is not an option. How do I overcome this struggle? What

Answer: Dear sister, before we address what you are currently doing wrong, we must tell you what you did wrong which led to this difficult situation you now find yourself in. You said, "I met another Christian guy (aka Dave)and had a "love at first sight" experience upon being introduced." With that being said, you should not have moved forward with marrying your husband. You had feelings for another man and an opportunity to put the breaks on but you didn't. That was the first mistake.

The second mistake you made was not exposing this to your husband from the onset once you decided to move forward. If he had known, it's likely he would have put the brakes on and given marrying you a little more thought. It's not fair that he was never given that opportunity. You said that your husband and you are best friends. Well, best friends don't keep secrets. Secrets in marriage are merely open doors for Satan to come in and cause destruction.


So, what's the bottom line? If you want to do the "right" thing by God and by your husband we suggest:

1. Expose your secret by telling your husband. Will it hurt him? It most certainly will but you have already done him a bigger injustice by not sharing this with him from the start.

2. All communication and contact with Dave needs to stop. That means no more hanging out, working on the same projects etc. All of that needs to end like yesterday. If he is a member of the same church as you and your husband, then perhaps you and your husband should discretely begin looking for another church.

You will most likely not want to tell your husband. But we want to encourage you to honor your husband, your marriage, and God by exposing this. Your way has not worked and will not work. Pray and ask God to prepare the heart of your husband, ask God to give you courage. Then repent to both your husband and to God. Until you do all of that, this door and struggle will continue and eventually destroy your marriage.

The Bible says that there is no temptation common to man whereby when we are tempted that God will not also provide us a way of escape.( 1 Cr 10:13)But the key is, you must be willing to take the way even if it causes you discomfort or embarrassment.


We will be praying for you.


Blessings,
Mike and Wanda