Surviving Divorce With The Help of God

Am I proud of it? No. But neither am I ashamed. God does not condemn me so why should I condemn myself?

For me, recovering from divorce has become just another testimony of God's unfailing grace and mercy in my life.

So, when I talk about Christians and divorce, I speak not from a place of condemnation but rather from a place of compassion.

At the tender age of nineteen I decided against the counsel of my parents to get married.

Was I pregnant? No. But I was very misguided, immature, and naive.

Although I was saved, God was nowhere in my decision. I never once prayed to God for His guidance or His heart on the matter.

I figured since my older siblings were married, marriage was the next logical step for me.

Also, my ex-husband had experienced a lot of pain in his past, and I thought I could rescue him.

I thought by building a family with him and giving him the unconditional love he didn't receive growing up, that I could somehow change him.

Side bar, never think for one minute that you have the power to change a person.

What I find even more unbelievable when I look back is the fact that I had so many red flags before getting married, but chose to ignore them.

Red flags were exploding around me like bombs in a mine field but I kept on walking.

At such a young age I was very concerned with what people thought of me.

I refused to call off the wedding because everyone was expecting a wedding.

The expectations of friends and family members, coupled with my pride were worth more to me than my own happiness.

Surviving Divorce Cont'd

On top of that we were spiritually unequally yoked.

Our marriage was rocky from the word go. In the beginning, we argued daily.

Less than six months after the wedding, I can remember thinking "what in the world have I done?"

I believe we both knew within months that we had made a horrible mistake.

As noble as it sounds, divorce was not an option for us. But unfortunately, neither was counseling.

My ex-husband refused to see a marriage counselor. Perhaps it was fear of being exposed or a fear of being told he was the problem.

I can't say for sure.

Surviving Divorce Cont'd

Year after year my self-esteem went lower and lower; until outwardly I didn't even look the same to my family.

One of the things that drew me deeper and deeper into depression was the fact that we had moved to Arizona where I had no extended family or anyone else in whom I felt I could totally confide.

In other words, I had no support system from where I could draw wisdom and strength.

Eventually, I confided in my Pastor but at that point, it was too little too late.

I mean how do you turn the Titanic around once it's taking on water?

Furthermore, how do you save a person from drowning if they refuse to put on a life jacket?

I had reached a place emotionally where all I wanted was out.

Nothing more, nothing less, just out.

I felt that I had given all that I had, and I just didn't have the strength to try anymore.

Surviving Divorce Cont'd

The marriage lasted five years before ending in divorce. When my marriage ended, I was broken and bitter.

But no longer living in Arizona, I finally had the support that I needed from family and friends.

I wanted to withdraw from the world but my mother encouraged me to get out and live.

She encourged me to do little things like going to the beauty salon, and attending church.

The simple act of going to the beauty salon helped me slowly rebuild my self-esteem.

Going to church with her strengthened my inner man who had been neglected for so long.

I found that when I reached out for God, He reached back for me. He truly was and still is the restorer of my soul.

I am a living witness that you can survive divorce. If God did it for me, He can do it for you.

God is not a respector of persons. In other words, He doesn't play favorites with His children.

What he did for me, He can do for you.

Resist the urge to withdraw from the world and instead surround yourself with Godly people who can provide you with the spiritual support you need.

If you have children they need you now more than ever. Withdrawing from them would leave them feeling isolated and rejected.

Surviving Divorce Cont'd

Flood your soul with the Word of God and with Christian music.

It was one of Yolanda Adams' early CD's that gave me the encouragement and hope that I needed.

I played that CD so much even my children were tired of hearing it.

Ask God to give you a song, and He will. When He does, sing it daily.

Make it a part of your morning devotional time.

I promise if you draw near to God during this time, He will come right where you are.

If your relationship with Christ has been strained lately, rededicate your life to Him.

If you seek Him with your whole heart, you will find Him and He will restore you.

Here's the Yolanda Adams song that pulled me out of the darkness.

The song is called "The Battle is Not Yours".

It's a very powerful song. Listen to the entire song and be BLESSED!