Trina's Christian Marriage Question

by TRINA
(LOUISVILLE,KY)

Trina's Christian Marriage Question: MY BEST FRIEND AND SPOUSE PLAY A LOT. I DIDN'T THINK NOTHING OF IT AT FIRST BUT THEN I STARTED NOTICING SHE WAS ACTING STRANGE AROUND ME. MY HUSBAND BASICALLY FORBID ME TO GO TO HER HOUSE. IT HAS BEEN THREE YEARS AND I DECIDED TO ASK MY FRIEND. HER FIRST RESPONSE WAS WHAT'S DONE IN THE DARK WILL COME TO THE LIGHT. SHE SAID NOTHING HAPPENED JUST INAPPROPRIATE MOMENTS. MY HUSBAND SAID THEY FLIRTED BUT NOTHING ELSE. THEY BOTH APOLOGIZED BUT I JUST CAN'T SHAKE THE FEELING SOMETHING HAPPENED. HE SAID SHE CONFESSED TO HIM THAT SHE HAD A DREAM THEY SLEPT TOGETHER. WHEN I ASKED HER SHE SAID SHE TOLD HIM THAT BECAUSE THEY WERE SO CLOSE , HER INTENTIONS WERE NOT TO GET HIM INTO BED. I FOUND OUT THAT THEY TALKED A LOT ON THE PHONE AND THEY CONTINUED TO FLIRT AFTER THIS INAPPROPRIATE CONVERSATIONS. HOW DO I TRUST HIM OR HER AGAIN? I DON'T THINK THEY WILL EVER TELL ME THE TRUTH.....


Answer: Hi Trina, unfortunately, your so called friend and husband have crossed a very delicate line. You asked how you can trust her again? Our question to you is, why is it necessary for you to trust her again? She has already demonstrated the depth of her love for you. Basically, a TRUE friend would never do what she did.

Secondly, your husband needs to stop communicating with her. You are correct, the two of them will likely never tell you the entire story, so all you can do is pray and ask God to give you peace about it. Lay it at the foot of the cross and move forward. But in moving forward, the two of you MUST set clear boundaries and guidelines concerning friends of the opposite sex. Without boundaries or guidelines this problem will likely occur again.

Finally, infidelity is often an indicator of a deeper problem in the relationship. Usually a result of one partner feeling as if his/her needs are not being met. So, take this incident as a wake up call and talk to your husband about what it is about your relationship that may have caused him to seek attention from another woman. Don't judge what he says, or get offended by his responses. Allow him to be completely honest with you. Use his answers as a spring board to improve your relationship. Start by making your marriage more of a priority. Have fun again, and bring the romance back. With time, as long as the two of you stick to the boundaries that have been set, the trust will return.


Hope that helps.

Love in Christ,
Mike and Wanda