When Your Spouse Won’t Change

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When Your Spouse Won’t Change

While you and your spouse likely have many things in common, the two of you also have many differences that could place a strain on your relationship if you allow them to.  Some of your differences are biological in nature and others are a result of the way you were raised.  Because love is said to be blind (it really isn’t) you may not have noticed many of these differences until after you said, “I do.”  And the ones that you did notice you may have dismissed by telling yourself, “I can change that about him or her later,” or “I can live with that.”

Now here you sit, exhausted from having to have the same conversation with your spouse for the umteenth time.  You’re tired of pleading your case, making the same point, and waiting for change to come.  You’ve reached the conclusion that your spouse isn’t going to change and the thing that you said you could live with, you now can’t.   So what do you do?  You change yourself.  When your spouse won’t change, you ask God to change you.

The fact is–only God has the power to bring about real change within the heart of another person.  Ultimately, the only control you have is over yourself.  Therefore, any time that you spend trying to change something or someone that you can’t change is time wasted.  And that my friend, is not being a good steward over your time.  The result of your fruitless efforts will be an endless cycle of fatigue and frustration.  We say rather than living a life of perpetual frustration, try shifting your focus from what you can’t change to what you can change–yourself.



In prayer, ask the Father to show you those rough places within yourself that need smoothing out.  Ask Him to teach you how to be a better husband or a better wife to your spouse.  Then get prepared for whatever He shows you.  He may show you that you need more patience, or He may reveal an attitude of self-righteousness.  Whatever it is that He shows you about you, focus your time and energy on changing that.

Now reflect on your wedding day.  When the two of you exchanged wedding vows, you didn’t make a promise to fix each other but rather a promise to love, accept, protect, and honor each other.  In other words, God is not calling you to fix your spouse–that’s not your job.  He is calling you to be a conduit of His love and an imitator of Him.  That  is to say, to love your spouse unconditionally the way that He loves you.

Ask yourself this question:  What was it that caused me to change my ways for the better?  Was it God nagging me, pleading with me, or lecturing me that did it?  It was likely none of those things but instead the realization of  just how much the Father loves you that inspired you to be better.  Well, the same is true in your marriage relationship.  It is your unconditional love and acceptance that will inspire your spouse to be the best husband or wife that they can be.  Your job is to continue to diligently pray for them and let God be God.

In the mean time, the in between time, focus your attention on becoming the spouse that God desires you to be and on loving your spouse the way that He wants you to love.

a marriage 2 die for!

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